You are not your disorder - Recovery Story by Avery Sitko

Hi! My name is Avery Sitko, and I am an eighteen-year-old from Georgia! I am currently recovering from anorexia nervosa. I have always thought poorly of myself, whether it was body image or something as simple as if people liked me and if I was good enough.

My eating disorder started taking control around December 2020. Currently. I started off just wanting to eat healthily, become toned, and feel better about myself. It was ok for a bit, but this behavior soon became obsessive. Being a junior in school at the time, I was stressed out about getting good grades and searching for colleges. I compared myself to others and would base my day off on what other people would eat or do. This went on for a while, and then spring break came up. I started cutting out food groups, only allowing myself to eat a certain amount of something. My friends and family had noticed a slight change but didn't think much of it at the time because I physically appeared to be healthy. I was “pleased” with myself and the “progress” I had made so far, but matters only worsened. I started watching my caloric intake and counting calories. It led to less intake every day. On top of all the stress, I was also a gymnast who practiced around 16 hours a week. I started focusing on my conditioning, as well as trying to work out outside the gym. I had been using my eating disorder to cope with all my emotions and began to find comfort in it. When school ended, my eating disorder did not. With more freedom, I continued the behaviors I was engaging in. I was trapped in all the lies my ed was feeding me. Summer went on, and towards the end of the break, I went to my pediatrician as I was planning on doing Cheer & Gymnastics that year. They noticed I was severely underweight, and my vitals didn’t look good. Luckily, I had a pediatrician who was willing to take me in and try to work with me. She recommended I get an EKG, and on my sister's birthday, my dad got a call that I had to be rushed to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta immediately.

I spent weeks there and then transferred to intensive outpatient treatment. This was when it hit me. My ED was not my friend and not who I was. I had missed the first 2 weeks of my senior year of high school, was forced to quit the sports & events I was planning on participating in that year and didn’t have the energy to enjoy the things that constituted my identity. At first, I didn't want to recover, and I was forced into it. But once I got a treatment team and worked with my community, I could see the difference in me and my disorder. We weren't the same, and I knew I had to recover from it.

Recovery isn’t easy and isn't linear. It's uncomfortable and confusing, but it is necessary. My eating disorder not only hurt me, but it also led to rocky and challenging times for my family. It altered relationships and memories and caused me to lose myself. I am currently still in recovery, still learning & still growing. As much as it has hurt me, it has made me stronger and shown me the importance of life beyond a body. I also advocate recovery through my Instagram and TikTok @krazykoifish. Although my ED has harmed my relationships in the past, it has also brought me closer to new people! I still have a long way to go, but I am starting to see the purpose and enjoyment in life again.

Your ed is not your friend, and you are not your disorder. You deserve a life free from your ED. No one said it was easy, but everyone said it was worth it.