The Threat of "Beauty"

I escaped a trap others may never come out of.

What comforts people and keeps them alive became my enemy.

Beauty is what comes from the heart. My phone says otherwise. Petite body, clear skin, silky hair, long legs. My phone screams at me that I am imperfect. The extra skin surrounding my belly offered protection for my uterus, but the aesthetic of being thin was far more valuable. My thighs rubbed against one another, strong and big from the muscles that developed from years of sports. My round cheeks appeared as though I was always storing food within my mouth. My extra protection of weight and skin used to be the structure of my home, but soon it would be abandoned.

Success came with the emptiness of my stomach, the absence of fat between my legs, and defined arms that hung so delicately. I would become blind to everything besides being “beautiful.” The deprivation of food resulted in a damaged brain and a collapsing heart. Not only did I achieve my thin figure, but also more that was unasked for. Coldness, deteriorating teeth, thin hair, weak nails, pale face. I lost myself. Where was the happiness that all the models pulled me in with? Where were all the people who I thought would finally like me? My parents and friends no longer knew who I was, and it felt as though I had lost them too.

I began to fight back for my life. After years of losing people and destroying my body and mind, I had enough. I am a woman, built with a round belly that is meant to protect my organs and give life. I am a sister with big, strong legs that help my endurance during sports. I am a daughter whose fat folds when bending my body because that’s just how humans work. Slowly but surely, my temple was restored.

I look back at the ignorance of betraying my body all for an appearance. How could I sabotage my body that does so much for me? I thank my legs for taking me places, my hands for being able to write, and my arms for receiving love from hugs. I am Reagan Burt, a beautiful young woman who fought demons, which some do not ever escape.

Instagram: @reagseatssss