Fear - the double-edged sword

I rushed into the classroom at the very last second. Embarrassed and flustered, I quickly slipped into a seat next to my friend, still trying to recollect myself. I should've known better, I thought to myself, of course the traffic would be terrible on the first day. It took me a while before I looked up and scanned the room. It had only been two months, but it felt like so much had changed. I guess it's never too early for insecurities to kick in. Then, we were assigned our first task, which was to decorate a paper with a word that motivates us the most; examples included family, balance, growth, etc. It was supposed to be easy, but it took me forever to come up with an answer.

"What motivates me the most?”

"Fear," I said half-jokingly to my friend.

Fear.

Fear of not excelling in every one of my commitments. Fear of not achieving my goals. Fear of losing what I've worked for. Fear of disappointing my family and mentors. Fear of falling behind. Fear of regretting the things I didn’t do because of fear…. Is that really my motivation?

As school has started for many students in the US lately, I believe there is also an elevated level of anxiety and discomfort in adjusting back into the routine. I can't describe how nauseating the thought of junior year makes me feel. We all have heard the importance of junior year in prepping for college admission and the mental toll it puts people through. And that scares me. I'm scared that I won't be able to meet the expectations. I'm scared that I'm not doing enough to stand out among the talented and intelligent crowd. I'm scared that I have somehow lost all my knowledge and skills over the summer, and people will laugh at how incompetent I've become. What if, after pushing myself to the brim of collapsing just to chase these goals that I think I should have, I end up regretting the time I didn't spend on more meaningful outings?

Fear in itself is not illogical or wrong. It’s the body’s natural response to keep us safe. It’s when our irrational thoughts start using this biological cue against us that fear becomes our own enemy. I often ponder how much more I could’ve accomplished or how much happier I could’ve been if I didn’t let fear block my way. I want to share some practices I try to implement daily to avoid having my mood and actions manipulated by negative thoughts.

1. Ask yourself, will this matter in two years, two months, or even just two weeks? Will stressing myself out about an unsatisfactory grade or an embarrassing situation benefit me in any way whatsoever? On most occasions, the answer is no. So why can’t I move on and stop being timid?

2. Take everything as a learning experience, and remember that growth comes with mistakes.

3. Accept being a side character. I know that the current trend promotes main character energy, but it is counterproductive for some people to force themselves into having this mindset. In that case, resorting to being a side character is a better approach to start accepting ourselves just how we are.